dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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