do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
