You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
