my phone needs a breathalizer
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
