omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
