HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
