You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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