I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize