we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
