brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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