I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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