who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
