only you would photoshop your dick
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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