Just fell off a train. Bad.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
