And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
