i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
