I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
