You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
