We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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