I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
