I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
