would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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