i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
