I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
