found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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