and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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