are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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