I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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