I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
