is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
