speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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