there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
