Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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