At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
