no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
