you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
