and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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