Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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