I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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