I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
As shirtless as possible
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
