just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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