i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
