he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
