Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
