I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
