I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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