And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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