2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You ate ashes out of my bong
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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