what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
