You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
