i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
