Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
