I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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