We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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