I hate all girls vehemently.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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