Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
