my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
