he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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