how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
