Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
