Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
