There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
