I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
