I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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