dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
