Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize