I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
