help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
