my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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