haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you will always have a special place in my vag
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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